if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
