in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
