remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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