shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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