Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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