dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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