Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
