this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
