I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
