Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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