You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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