you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
