Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
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Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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