it hurts more in the daytime
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
