Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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