Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
