Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
