Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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