I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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