i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
