I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
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I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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