No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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