mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
