Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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