dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize
