PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
did you just send me my own nude
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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