It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
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he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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