"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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