mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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