btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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