u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
