I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
