Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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