Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
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Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
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it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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