Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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