the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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