D3 body, D1 cock
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
