He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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