There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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