2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
