someone threw a dead crab at me
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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