Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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