too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
