try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
