i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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