About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
