she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
