I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
