I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
