Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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