Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
