i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
A+ Viking dick
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
