i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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