Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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