No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
