dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
