whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
