I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
