CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
