At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
