did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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