i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
